Memories of Home.

I have been inspired to write about home by a friend of mine.. His words actually inspire me to think deeper about life, and I love it! :) Thanks G.H.Z... you're great!

Sometimes I wish time would just stand still. I remember they always told us that it would never be the same when we transitioned from Jr. High into High School, but of course we didn't believe them. Lo and behold, they were right. They said the same thing about graduation. And guess what? They were right again. I miss home.

Time has changed Raymond, the town's just not the same. Unfamiliar faces replace the faces I used to know. There isn't a part of town that time hasn't touched. I go home and feel a little like a stranger. So much is changing.

The hardest part about being away is the loss of friendships. The strongest of friendships will survive, through thick and thin, joy and pain, marriage and families, and time.. but most will be lost. I have so many wonderful friends! They are progressing in different areas of life, and I love them all so much, but it's a bit of a challenge to take a back seat.. it feels like of like going from being part of some great game to a spectator on the outside. Which I understand completely, hundreds of miles is quite a separation. Everyone needs friends close to them, that they can communicate with face to face on a daily basis. I've made new friends, but I just miss my girls

back home!

I miss my dad. I miss my mom. Brigham and Tyler a bit.. ;) .. but what I miss the most is a pair of sparkling blue eyes and full head of blonde hair... Hannah. I'll post about her in a bit. :) My dad and I have an odd relationship. Him, Justin, and.. newly found Jacob.. just have this way about teasing me. It's a good kind. They can get away with it. Nobody else can. I find it strange. But I love them.

Almost more than anyone else on earth I love my dad.. I miss being close to him. When I live at home we stay up late on Friday nights, snuggle on the couch (yes I still LOVE to cuddle with my dad), and watch TLC or Discovery. Usually we'd switch between being absolutely blown away by the creations on 'Cake Boss' or 'Ace of Cakes' to gripping the chairs as the 'Ice Road Truckers' went skidding down the mountains. I absolutely love and admire this man. My old man is one of the best. :)

Nineteen.

Being nineteen is:

A Joy.

An emotional roller coaster.

A challenge.

An adventure.

A turning point.

A learning experience.

Nineteen is weird.

In our church, nineteen is the age that men are called to go on missions. Nineteen is the age my oldest brother left me, a struggling, self-conscious, high school student, to serve the Lord. This was my first real experience with missionary work, and one I'll never forget. It took a long time before I was okay with him being gone... I cried more then than I ever had in my life. But soon enough I learned the value of true friendship, and being close to someone through the Lord. I thrived on his power, his oneness with the Spirit, and his ability to sort out my hardships...even while he was hundreds of miles away. Justin's choice to serve a mission was a pivotal point in my life.

The move to Utah for school was challenging. A number of things got me through... including his letters to me. He helped me with the change, and I soon understood the reasons he was so passionate about Utah and his determination to reside here. Through him and his advice, I found a home in this state, and I love him for helping me see.

Since my experience with Justin, I've had many more encounters with missionaries. Being nineteen myself, I'm now of the age where my friends are serving missions. "It's not always easy, but it's always worth it" comes to mind when I think of my experiences. I could list all the missionaries I absolutely love, but I won't. :)

I love the changes I see in the way they act, the way they 'talk', and the huge spiritual leap they make as they submerse themselves in the gospel of Jesus Christ. I love hearing from them.. like I've said before, I live day to day checking the mailbox. Sometimes I'll get 3 letters a week, sometimes only 1.. but it doesn't matter the number. All that matters is that these boys, or men I should say, are growing and I get to be a part of it.

I love the letters that make me smile. The ones that make me laugh. The ones that bring tears too close to the surface. I love the words of inspiration written to me. Each missionary writes a little something that I need to hear.. it just amazes me that they can have direction in their writing to what I need in my life. I love the stories they share that make me slap my forehead and whisper "embarrassing!".

Each missionary is unique, no one ever the same. This is a huge blessing, and it's so amazing to have such wonderful friends! Being nineteen is weird, but it's worth it. With each letter written a small portion of my life is changed. I'm becoming a new person through them. It's such a wonderful experience!

As hard as it is to see them go, it's going to be ever better when they come home changed men! And I get to be a part of the process. It means the world to me, and I wouldn't choose it any other way.

I've gotten a few letters this week, each with words of inspiration and admiration. I love to get mail, so if you ever want to send me something... just let me know! :) Care packages are always nice... not that I'm hinting or anything... ;)

A Weekend to Remember.

I've had a few experiences lately that have left me wondering..

What if I'm not cut out to be a pharmacist. Classes are great, but I just have this HUGE sense of dread and fear toward Organic Chemistry.. and the possible fact that I could be stuck doing pre requisites at Weber FOREVER.. or, that I get married before I get the chance to go that far... I know I want it so badly, but there are a few obstacles that just have me wondering...

Our school was fortunate enough to have "fall break". HA! What a joke. We had Friday off of school, so my cousin Dakota and I drove down to Rexburg, ID on Thursday afternoon and spent the weekend there. I fell in love with that town. Which leaves me wondering... what if I picked the wrong school? But with this question comes the answer. I know I didn't, because I was led here by Divine inspiration. And without this school I wouldn't have met Laura Lynn.. and without her I'd have no reason to be here. So, I know I chose right, but I think I would have been happy at BYU-I. Minus the dress code! And curfew... okay, I know Weber was right for me, but being away from my best friend is hard! Especially since he doesn't have Verizon anymore and I can't call him for free... curses!

The weekend was so amazing! We got there and the dumb kid wasn't even home, so we went to Mandi and Tyson's and they weren't home either. So I pulled out my psychology book and did some reading until Justin came and got us. We only had some minor car issues.... that won't be discussed further.. Dakota knows, and she's the only one who knows.. :) Justin had a soccer game that night, so we walked to the soccer fields and watched. They won! :) woot. I re-met David Epps who served his mission with Justin in SLC. I had met him once before on the last day of the mission, I guess, I met A LOT of missionaries going home that day and, don't tell him, but I didn't remember! baha. After the game Dakota, Kevin, and I made an apple crisp. It was baking when curfew came so I didn't even get to taste it until the next morning. Curses!

Friday brought homework. But, that apple crisp was DANG good :) I was proud of myself. We hung around, watched Arrested Development ALL day long, and finally got out at 4:30 to play some soccer. I was in jeans and boots.. yep real prepared... but it was the BEST cardio workout I'd had for weeks. It felt so good to just be playing, semi-competitively, and as a defender. I had a blast! After that my body hurt. So bad I wanted to just sit down and never get up.. but we went to Stockman's for "All you can eat steak" and it was delicious. I laughed so hard. David just kept making me laugh, for no reason, and then Justin would laugh his high pitched giggle and I would laugh even harder, so David would laugh.. it lasted for quite some time. We were out of control. But I loved it! :) I was so exhausted that I fell asleep in "Vertical Limit" and just went to bed.

Saturday was the day I had planned on leaving, but because Justin has such a persuasive power over me, yes I know it's horrible, I stayed. We went to a haunted straw maze that night, and I wasn't too keen on the idea. We discussed just not going, but were convinced that we should. I was scared. No, terrified. I can't describe to you the emotions I had... because you wouldn't understand. But it was freaky. Not to mention I got split off from everyone I knew. Luckily I had Tiffany. She's Justin's FHE sister, and my new friend! We clung to each other the whole time. After 40 minutes of feeling panic we finally reached the end of the maze and I sprinted through the tunnel for dear life! After Justin and Kenzie made it out of the maze we went to Big Judd's for supper. It was delicious! Wow. On the drive to and from, Gage and I talked. He's so intelligent. I wish I knew everything he did!

Oh, I forgot to mention the hours we spent Saturday afternoon playing Settlers... that game gets pretty intense with Justin, Gage, and Cameron playing. I let Cameron take over my spot and just observed. I laughed. A lot.

So.. Even though I know I'm where I'm supposed to be, I sometimes question it. I had an incredible weekend with my family and friends, and I just wish there was a way for me to be closer.. Oh well. I'll be in Rexburg as often as my schedule permits me to be. And ROCKET SUMMER is only a few weeks away and I'll be with those amazing guys again! :) Woot!

These Are A Few of My Favorite Things*

So.. I just have a desire to share the things I love with this virtual blogging world. Secretly I'm just blogging because I need to rest my hand from writing letters... :)

The BEST musical ever created was The Sound of Music. I have loved this movie since I was a child. We would watch it all the time as a family, and I just fell in love with it. It happens to be my number one pick for any movie. There are a few reasons why I love it so much. One major reason being it reminds me of my own family. Our family is SO musically blessed.. we all get it from my Grandpa Rex. I never had the chance to meet this wonderful man, but I have a part of him in me with music. We all do. Whenever we are together we always sing. Always. Each person has their own ability, but put us together and it's magical. Another reason is that in my own mind I picture my Grandpa Rex as someone like Captain Von Trapp. From the pictures I've seen he kind of looks, to me, like Christopher Plummer... call me crazy, but that's just how I picture my Grandpa. I look forward with great excitement at the chance I'll have to meet him some day. I love my family, and admire each and every one of them. :)

I love technology. Tonight I had the privilege to talk to 4 of the most important people in my life. First I got to talk to my parents. These two people are the most incredible in the world. They were making salsa, which made me uber jealous because I just LOVE home made salsa, but anyway.. I got to talk to them and hear how proud they are of me and the things I'm doing in my life.. and yes, to hear my dad tease me. There's just something about the way he says things to me that just makes me love him so much. :) My mom is wonderful. I took for granted our relationship when I lived at home, and now that she's so tech savvy with a cellphone, I get to talk to her a lot more and we're closer than we ever have been before! Then I talked to Carlene Janet Palmer. She is so wonderful. I just love her to bits! She's a thousand miles away, but it's like we're not even apart. Lastly I talked to Stephanie Lynn Drew. I love her more than words can describe. She is my best friend. I couldn't live without her, and I am so glad I had the chance to see her. She's so strong, and an amazing source of strength to me. I just love each of these people and am so grateful for the support they give me! :)

I love little kids. I love little kids who call me "Jessica Baker." Never Jessica. Always Jessica Baker. These three little kids are the most polite, well mannered kids that ever walked the earth. I am so glad I have had the opportunity over the last two years to get to know them and have them bless my life. They are truly remarkable. I love babysitting, and I don't get the chance very often anymore, but every time I do I just love it! All children just have such sweet and inspiring personalities. They bless my life each time I'm around them, and a lot is to be learned from them. After all, we have been counseled to 'become like little children'. I hope that I can take from their spirits and become a better person. Plus, nothing beats the innocence of a child. They say the cutest things, and I just can't help but laugh sometimes. :)

I love mail. I live day to day checking the mailbox for anything. I have a lot of friends out of access to me right now, and each time I open the box and find something there my heart is filled with joy! I'm the worst replier ever, but I try my best.

The thing I love most is the gospel of Jesus Christ. I am so proud to be a member of His church. I love missionaries who devote two years of their lives to serve Him and bring people in. I love the friendliness of the Saints, and the people in my ward! No matter where you go you will always be welcomed, and that is way comforting! There is so much support and comfort in the church, from members, friends, teachers, and mostly from Christ himself. He knows each of us and the struggles we go through on a daily basis, He's been there for us all. I love the Plan of Salvation and the fact that I can and WILL see my Grandpa Rex again. I know I will.

I love friends. I love to laugh with them, cry with them, hike with them, swim with them, work out, and just be crazy. I love to be a friend, and I try every day to be the kind of friend that is reliable and trustworthy. Everyone needs someone, and I want to be that for someone in need.

I have a lot of other loves, and maybe I'll save those for another day. I need to go to bed, because I have an early Public Speaking class that I do NOT love. :)

I Have Been Blessed.

This weekend was absolutely, one hundred percent, what I needed.

I've been having to deal with a lot of stuff lately. problems, schoolwork, emotions and feelings, and all of it just came crashing down on me all at once. This week was great, because I was able to sit down and talk with 3 of my very best friends, separately, and each gave me advice on what to do. I have many more best friends than this, but these three especially helped me out.

First was my newest best friend Joshua Brothers. All I can say is: what an INCREDIBLE person. He is always there for me, and has just the right thing to say to help me feel better. The best thing about him is that he cares. He cares enough to listen, he cares enough to act, and he cares enough to ask. He's a huge example to me of everything right, and I try and help him the best I can when he needs it. I absolutely love when he plays the violin! It's therapy in and of itself just to listen. Pure glory. :)

Second was my very best friend Laura Stoddard. I can't even describe to you our friendship. It is crazy, wonderful, ridiculous, hilarious, awkward, embarrassing.. but most of all a blessing. I love her so much, and will have the utmost gratitude for my Father in Heaven for crossing our paths. This year our lives are so hectic and busy that we hardly get time to spend together. We made it a goal this semester to go to the temple together every Thursday morning, and it's been a huge strength to our friendship! Often, this is the only time of the week we see each other, and it's always a good, uplifting time. A time to vent, to listen, and to laugh. I love her an incredible amount, and I know that no matter where life takes us, she will remain a substantial part of my life forever!

Third. My very best friend in the whole wide world, Justin Baker. He is currently going to BYU-I, in Rexburg, Idaho, and I miss him more than anyone in the world. He and Gage (his hilarious roommate) can down for conference, and we went to the Saturday afternoon session. He is such a brat, and just teases me all the time, but all in all I love him to pieces. We got to talk, he had called me on the phone on Friday and he really helped with a lot of my stress. His solution to everything: just kiss 'em. What a brat. I was so glad I got to see him. When he found us at the conference center he wrapped me up in a big hug and I felt, to a degree, completed again.

The best part was watching General Conference. Without fail, every question, doubt, worry, stress, and problem is resolved through the words of the prophets and apostles. I was immediately overcome with the spirit and I felt him work in me. My heart is changed, and my testimony strengthened. I just think that President Monson is the cutest man that ever happened! I love him so much. The most prominent thing I learned is to TRUST IN THE LORD. This message was either stated, or implied in every speaker's talk in all 4 sessions that I watched. Eventually, on the Lord's time, things will all work out and I will be okay. I am beyond grateful for the blessings the gospel of Jesus Christ brings into my life. I feel them every day, and I am so glad to be where I am. This weekend was perfect for me, and couldn't have been much better!